Welcome back once again for more "This Week in Automatic Transcription Fails"!

As we have learned over the past few weeks (both through these posts and from first-hand experience), machine transcribed audio is a great resource, but it's not exactly infallible. Even the machines make mistakes sometimes!

Sit down and buckle up, because we're in for a wild ride with this week's set of automatic transcription fails.

If you need me, I'll be outside. Dying.

Before you fret over this one, I want to clarify that it was written before we were tossed carelessly into the arms of the COVID-19 pandemic (the voicemail is from August 2019). No delivery people were harmed during the writing of this article.

As a homebody myself, I definitely understand the horror that inevitably tags along with you upon entry to the outside world. This is basically my sentiment every time I leave the house for any reason on a regular day, let alone leaving the house to work. Quick! Door-dash back inside where it's safe before it's too late!

I wonder if he knows Thor?

brb, legally changing my last name to "Thundershowers".

Alright, I get it. Names are hard! You know the feeling: You were just introduced to someone at a party and five seconds later your brain is like, "Name? What name? That person has no name." Great job, brain. Thanks for that!  But at least your brain doesn't decide that Fred, who you were recently introduced to, is actually named Bread (although if it did we would definitely have a whole other series of articles on that because, let's be real, that would be incredible). Apparently, unlike our brains, transcription services are convinced that replacing Fred with Bread is the only honourable thing to do, which is how we ended up here with Jim Thundershowers.

And the award goes to...!

Walt Whitman was a magical poet? And I didn't even know it!

A haiku, for your (admittedly manually) transcribed consideration:

the award goes to...

incorrect transcriptions and

magical poets

Just calling to confirm your appointment at the chicken office...

This one is super simple, but oh-so sweet.

This is another outlandish example of the wild names you find in transcribed audio, and how machines will not leave your doctor's name out of a voicemail if it's the last thing they ever do.

Just in case you were wondering if a 5-year-old could do better...

This one was just too cute to not include!

Looks like the transcribing services will be able to retain customers who are parents, at least for a few more years (if not forever). Let's face it, even when your 5.5-year-old becomes the perfect stenographer, are they going to want to help you transcribe your audio files or go watch cartoons? They're obviously going to go for the cartoons, or... whatever kids are up to for fun these days. Honestly, I won't pretend that I know what that is. I have to say, though, while this may not technically be a "legible transcription", it is clearly a work of art!

Thanks for reading!

We'll be back next week to bring you another dose of auto-transcribed hilarity.

Want to be featured on next week's edition of "This Week in Automatic Transcription Fails"? If you have a funny mis-transcribed tidbit, feel free to tweet using the hashtag #transcriptionfails to submit your own transcription fail!